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11 May 2007 @ 06:49 pm
I WROTE FIC HOLY SHIT.  
Title: It Would All Be Fun and Games
Author: argyletheme
Pairing: Stephen/Demetri, kind of.
Rating: R for graphic content and language, but it's really not that descriptive.
Word Count: 1251
Summary: Establishing the right ties with the right people, not getting in so deep that it consumed you, always keeping one step ahead of the game. It was all in the strategy.
Notes: Crazy hookerfic!AU that came out of nowhere. Written for effetely because I promised to write this pairing for her ages ago. And major, major thanks and hugs to cobrasnaps for cheering me on and helping me pick a title.
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual persons is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).

Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'The Colbert Report', 'Viacom', any associated entites, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976 and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.





Starting was always the hard part, Demetri knew. Establishing the right ties with the right people, not getting in so deep that it consumed you, always keeping one step ahead of the game. It was all in the strategy. You had to be street smart and you had to know how to read people. There were rules that you had to abide by - strict ones, at that - and if you didn't, you would get eaten alive.

It wasn't like on the other side of town, the boys that had been stupid enough to let things get so bad that their next trick decided when and where and how their next meal would be served depending on how things went. This wasn't too bad of a neighborhood, and he had a decent amount of money saved up. He didn't do this to survive.

He mostly did it because he was damn good at it.

Paul knew that, and Demetri and all of the others knew that he was favored above all the rest, even though no one dared to say it aloud. That didn't mean that he got any special treatment, though. Being late on a payment or sneaking a bit of extra cash away still earned him the same amount of bruises as the others. The last time he had taken more than his share, he was sure that Paul had broken a rib or two. It was nothing that he didn't have coming to him.

There was a new kid, slightly older than everyone else; the oldest there, probably. Tall and willowy and stronger than he looked, Demetri could tell. He had glasses and a goofy smile that broke out whenever someone would so much as wave at him from a dark, tinted window (which was the second of many mistakes, Demetri noticed) and he went by Ed, though Demetri knew that probably wasn't his actual name.

He was eager to please, and Paul seemed to be merely amused by him. Demetri hung back and watched, would've taken notes if he could. This one was definitely one to be used as an example: "Things Not to Do When You Hit the Streets".

From what he had heard over the others talking, he had been studying to become a tax lawyer and he needed some extra, fast cash to get him into his choice school. That, Demetri thought, was the first mistake.

By the end of Ed's second week, he had zero regulars and a bruise on the side of his face, and burn marks around his neck. He wasn't looking good, and he looked at Demetri with wide, brown eyes, when a car came up and the person inside motioned for him to come forward.

Ed looked at him again, a meaningful look in his eyes, and if Demetri wasn't so keen on the idea of keeping him as that prime example for kids on the streets (he was thinking about writing a book, maybe. A guidebook, or one of those self-help references that he sees in the ads of magazines. What To Think About When You Just Need To Get Some Extra Cash and You Do Stupid Shit Like This Instead of Getting a Job Like A Normal Fucking Person) maybe he would have given this one up.

Not this one, though. Never this one.

Stephen Colbert worked as a late night stand-up comic, going from end-of-the-street bar to end-of-the-street bar looking for any gig that would let him through the doors. He was good at what he did, too - Demetri had gone to one of his appearances at the nightclub downtown to see him perform once. Stephen had fucked him afterwards and paid him for the whole night instead of the regular two hours.

Demetri slid into the passenger seat of the car, and Ed watched him until they disappeared down the block and around the corner.

"New kid?" Stephen asked in a nonchalant voice, his fingers lightly gripping the wheel and a calm look on his face. Stephen was one of the more laid back clients that Demetri had. So unlike the others, too. Demetri had filed away every move that he made so that he could make a sequel to his running series. "Types to Never, Ever Fall For". People like him usually had a shitload of skeletons in their closets, and Demetri knew better than to get into that shit.

"I give him another week, a week and a half, tops," he replied, and Stephen raised an eyebrow.

"So I guess that means a threesome isn't exactly in the cards, right?"

"You'll be charged extra for necrophilia, I'm sure."

They got to Stephen's place as the sun was going down. The best thing about a client as reliable as Stephen was that they never asked you to do unexpected things last minute. Demetri couldn't even count the times when someone who seemed sane enough ended up tying him down and fucking him raw, while using their nails to create a human scratching post out of Demetri's back. They always paid him extra, though. That was the saving grace.

Stephen was different, though. Almost sweet and tender in his movements, running his palm down Demetri's chest and placing his hand over Demetri's as he came. He was a sweet talker too, that was the dangerous part. He could tell Demetri to take a leap off of his balcony in that silky voice and Demetri was almost sure that he would have a hard time protesting.

He even gave him a lift back down to his corner, kissing him on the side of the mouth before Demetri got out.

"Hey," Stephen said to his back, and Demetri turned back around, careful. "Your boy is gone."

Sure enough, Ed had disappeared. Seeing as Thursday was usually the slowest day even for the most popular boys, Demetri came to the conclusion that he must have left.

He looks through newspapers, obituaries, hospitals. He doesn't know the kid's last name or even his real name, but he found him soon enough, though not through his usual resources.

It was an alley in between the West Side bar where Stephen usually performed on weekends, and Demetri caught him out of the corner of his eye. He had blood on his hands from where he had been covering the deep scratches on his face, over his eyes and down his cheeks. Muddy water and tears stung at his eyes, and Demetri grabbed him with his hands by the collar of his shirt, holding his head steady.

Ed blinked up at him, his voice so shaky Demetri had to strain to understand him. "Paul...took me to the other side. Said I'd do better there. Cut me off. Can't...need help. Please."

It would be irresponsible to leave him there, Demetri knew. But he didn't need Paul coming after him next for interfering, that's for goddamn sure. Plus, he couldn't make this shit up if he tried. Best-seller list, here I come.

He could hear Ed trying to scream from behind him, and Demetri wiped the blood from his neck where Ed had been clinging on, begging Demetri not to let go.

Demetri knew the drill. The only thing harder than starting, was stopping.


END.

 
 
Current Mood: chipperchipper
 
 
 
cobrasnaps: korn - munkycobrasnaps on May 11th, 2007 10:58 pm (UTC)
If anyone can name that song, I'll write THEM a fic! (I'm already writing you a fic Kaden so you don't count. :P ILU.)

omg this fic is so much love where the FUCK do I begin? You know I raved it to you on AIM, so I'm kind of out of words. Not only was this written beautifully, but the imagery was amazing, the characterization was out of this world... I MEAN, FUCK'S SAKE. PAUL AS A PIMP. STEPHEN/DEMETRI. DEMETRI IS A COLD, RUTHLESS ASSHOLE. ED. ED ED ED ED EDEDEDED. omg.

Just the last line killed me enough. The imagery and dynamics between Ed and Demetri was heartbreaking and I loved it. THE GUIDEBOOK'S NAME WAS WIN TOO.

There were rules that you had to abide by - strict ones, at that - and if you didn't, you would get eaten alive.

So you know, I am a stickler with openers. Big stickler. If there's no big opener, the fic kind of much sucks for me. And this opener was such win I was hooked immediately.

You know? It was worth, so worth, having you like lose your muse. Because you come back and you deliver with this beautiful shining work, and I love it, and I love you, and WELCOME HOME BABE.

And now, I'm gonna go bathe in the loveliness of this fic, and um, eat lunch. ILU.
let's write stories together.: pretty much the cutest everargyletheme on May 12th, 2007 12:26 am (UTC)
I didn't even really think about Paul being the pimp, it just sort of happened that way. Like, I wasn't like, "Hmm. Who will be the pimp?" It was always like, "PAUL IS THE PIMP, WELL DUH."

And aww, Demetri isn't an asshole. He just wants to get his book done, is all! The idiot's guide to selling your body, by Demetri Martin!

YAY. I usually struggle with openers so so so much, so that is a definite relief. Thank you!

<3<3<3

Rachel: actors; very encouraging dragon.effetely on May 11th, 2007 11:32 pm (UTC)
WHAT THE FUCK I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Like who the fuck else could write fic in which PAUL DINELLO IS LITERALLY A PIMP?

UGH I love this so much. Like. DEMETRI. I love your Demetri, especially when he is being a whore. AND STEPHEN ALL SWEET AND LIKE KJHDSGJKShdgjhsdghjgdk and ED and the name of that book-to-be, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

AMAZING.
let's write stories together.: this year's apologiesargyletheme on May 14th, 2007 08:23 pm (UTC)
<3

It was surprisingly easy to write Paul as a pimp! Then again, he doesn't really make that many appearences, but still!

Thank you. ♥
Racheleffetely on May 11th, 2007 11:33 pm (UTC)
ALSO I love your prose. I don't know if I've told you that lately. :*
let's write stories together.: or whatever comes to mindargyletheme on May 14th, 2007 08:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :*
Son cherie Leanne: asp: I luv Paullashia69 on May 12th, 2007 12:48 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHA A++ Kaden, that was crazy and wonderful. And Pimp Paul is awesommme ♥
let's write stories together.: peek-a-booargyletheme on May 14th, 2007 08:24 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, thank you. XD

:)bigukgal on May 12th, 2007 02:28 am (UTC)
o_O

OMFG. You can so have like my left kidney, if you write more in this AU.

seriously.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz!
let's write stories together.: the taste of dangerargyletheme on May 14th, 2007 08:26 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! Well, I'll see what I can do. ♥
belmanoir: colbert conversation heartbelmanoir on May 12th, 2007 02:30 am (UTC)
this fic is win. that is all.

&hearts
let's write stories together.: hurleywentzcoreargyletheme on May 14th, 2007 08:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
The Notorious G.A.Y.: o_Osmilesawakeyou on May 12th, 2007 03:08 am (UTC)
Whoooa. I'm embarassed to admit I didn't notice that this was AU until about half-way through so I was a little "buh wuh?" as I was reading. But still.

FTW. Woot.
karaokegal: countdownkaraokegal on May 13th, 2007 12:21 am (UTC)
OK, dudette, so like I totally hate AU with a passion, but started reading this cos it sounded cool and I was totally hooked. I LOVED your Demetri, way more than I love "show" Demetri and OMG, your Stephen just killed me. I'd actually like to read more in this verse if you were planning on continuing with it. (Extra points and redvines if you can get Olbermann in there...maybe as the vice cop who wants to help the boys?)
let's write stories together.: too big too fastargyletheme on May 14th, 2007 08:29 pm (UTC)
HEE! Thank you so much for the kind words. I don't know if I'm going to continue it (mainly because I get bored with things really, really quickly) but if I do, I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind. <3
imoldfashioned on May 13th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
I used to hate AU but now I look forward to reading it, especially if it is as well written as this. You're so good at atmosphere, it's crazy and your characterizations are great. I'd love to read more of this, with Paul having a larger speaking role--and that idea of including Olbermann upthread isn't bad either.
let's write stories together.: got lost with the fading lightargyletheme on May 14th, 2007 08:31 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you so much for the compliments! It really means a lot. Like I said to karaokegal, I don't think I'll be writing any more to this, but if I do, I will certainly keep your suggestions in mind. :P